Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
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