I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
