Who did Billy Mays play for?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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