Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
