so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
