I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
How does one acquire holy water?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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