Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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