so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
