I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
