She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
