I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
