i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
