how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
