you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
People with herpes should wear stickers.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
