I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
