This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Be still, my beating vagina.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
