Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
being pregnant is like rehab
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
