piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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