worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
