Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You are a genius and a whore.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
