Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
