it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
