hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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