She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
