I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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