Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
