We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
