New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
A bitchslap is in order.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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