this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
