Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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