i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
