I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
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Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
