I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Oh god it's open bar.
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