my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
There's always time for handjobs
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
