no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
