Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
