I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
