I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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