I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
