I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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