I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
