Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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