Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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