Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
