Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
