so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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