May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
