Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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