Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
