Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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