It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
